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Northwestern Deferral or Withdraw/Reapply to more desired med school

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shaggy123

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Hello,

This past cycle, I was accepted to both Northwestern and UHawaii Medical School (I am a hawaii resident). While this may seem like an obvious choice for most, I was conflicted between the two because I really wanted to go home after having spent the past 4 years away for undergraduate, yet also wanted the prestige of a top medical school education. I visited their accepted students day, yet I felt immediate draw or attraction that comes with falling in love with a school. I floated between the two for a solid three weeks, and was solidly indecisive come April 30th. I listened to parents, friends, and educators, and ultimately decided to chose Northwestern.

However, after making my choice, I received extreme pressure from my family to reverse my decision and choose Hawaii, even days after the national deadline has passed. I know I chose Northwestern, but my mother has been harassing me about this for so long that now I don't even know why I chose that school in the first place. It has now been more then 2 weeks since I've committed to Northwestern, and I am now considering a year-long deferral from Northwestern because I don't want to go to medical school at the expense of ruining my parent's relationship with me (Ex: "We won't help you find your own place or go to your white coat ceremony if you go to Chicago, your debt will be entirely on you, etc).

My questions are: 1) If I chose to defer to buy myself more time and get my life in order, and let's say I withdraw altogether from Northwestern and try to reapply to Hawaii and apply to California schools, what are my chances of getting accepted? Stats wise, I graduated magna cum laude and had high MCAT scores
2) How should I explain to my parents the situation I am in and relate to them in an effective way that isn't belittling their intelligence or threatening to be rebellious for the sake of rebellion
3) What would be a solid deferral argument to send to Northwestern, since I'm sure tons of other students are in my position as well and I don't think telling them I have issues with my parents is going to cut it.
 

GrapesofRath

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Really it comes down to a few options

1) Find a way to make peace with your parents
2) Find a way to have to overcome the bridges you might be burning with your parents and take out loans to financially support yourself for Northwestern
3) Get a deferral from Northwestern. Note the vast majority of schools that give deferrals give it under the agreement you wont apply to other schools. I cant really say what the best way to try and ask for a deferral is
4) Turn down an MD acceptance and tremendously damage your chances of ever getting another one again.

I see this is in the reapplicant forum which is why I'll say that if you turn down an MD acceptance, you should plan/assume you likely wont get another one. An applicant who has already turned down an MD acceptance is about as risky as they come if you were to go through another application cycle and it's a risk most will gladly pass on. Nobody can really tell you which of the 4 choices is best for you in your situation. I'm sure you'll get a healthy share of "It's time to be an adult and be independent" "You need to be more mature and not let your parents influence you this much" and "Take on the loans and debt if you want to be a doctor" type responses here but at the end of the day it's your decision and only you can decide what's best for you. Just lay out the choices and make a decision you can live with for the rest of your life.
 
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Dreamislandcaptive

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You got the opportunity many students were passed on. So suck it up and tell your mother you'll see her at you graduation because I can guarantee you she will be there. What I can't guarantee is that you will ever get back into medical school.
 
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cabinbuilder

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You got the opportunity many students were passed on. So suck it up and tell your mother you'll see her at you graduation because I can guarantee you she will be there. What I can't guarantee is that you will ever get back into medical school.

This 100%. Take the acceptance, be the doctor you were meant to be. You can always practice in Hawaii.

I had a friend who was Native American/Hispanic descent. He became a nurse first and was the first person in his family who went to college. He went on to medical school against his parents wishes. When he was about to graduate his mom finally came around and said, "now I can tell people". Meaning she was so afraid that he would fail out of school that she didn't dare tell anyone he was trying to be a doctor. Her fear prevent him from having the support of his mother throughout school.

You parents will come around. Perhaps they secretly are fearful and don't know else how to react to you being that far from home. They will come around eventually.
 
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xffan624

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Hello,

This past cycle, I was accepted to both Northwestern and UHawaii Medical School (I am a hawaii resident). While this may seem like an obvious choice for most, I was conflicted between the two because I really wanted to go home after having spent the past 4 years away for undergraduate, yet also wanted the prestige of a top medical school education. I visited their accepted students day, yet I felt immediate draw or attraction that comes with falling in love with a school. I floated between the two for a solid three weeks, and was solidly indecisive come April 30th. I listened to parents, friends, and educators, and ultimately decided to chose Northwestern.

However, after making my choice, I received extreme pressure from my family to reverse my decision and choose Hawaii, even days after the national deadline has passed. I know I chose Northwestern, but my mother has been harassing me about this for so long that now I don't even know why I chose that school in the first place. It has now been more then 2 weeks since I've committed to Northwestern, and I am now considering a year-long deferral from Northwestern because I don't want to go to medical school at the expense of ruining my parent's relationship with me (Ex: "We won't help you find your own place or go to your white coat ceremony if you go to Chicago, your debt will be entirely on you, etc).

My questions are: 1) If I chose to defer to buy myself more time and get my life in order, and let's say I withdraw altogether from Northwestern and try to reapply to Hawaii and apply to California schools, what are my chances of getting accepted? Stats wise, I graduated magna cum laude and had high MCAT scores
2) How should I explain to my parents the situation I am in and relate to them in an effective way that isn't belittling their intelligence or threatening to be rebellious for the sake of rebellion
3) What would be a solid deferral argument to send to Northwestern, since I'm sure tons of other students are in my position as well and I don't think telling them I have issues with my parents is going to cut it.

Grow up. Don't a waste a year of attending salary for this or potentially throw away your acceptance (you will likely not get accepted to another school again). Go to the Northwestern. Most students take on the majority of debt for their own. Most students find their own place. Many parents attend a student's white coat ceremony, but some don't. Your parents should not disown you for this and if they do, then it sounds a bit heartless, but I question the value of having a close relationship with them to begin with. That would be a horrible thing to do and I would not want people like that making decisions in my life. More likely, they will get over their temper tantrum (that's pretty much the equivalent of what they are having).

PS When I moved to a new city with my sister to attend graduate school, we had every intention of living on our own without parent support, but we needed my dad to cosign a lease on a crappy apartment so we would have a place to live as my sister and I did not have enough income to sign it without the lease. He refused in a totally passive aggressive manner because he said he didn't want to foot the bill if we screwed up and couldn't find jobs. The reality was, he just didn't want us to move and couldn't say it, so was acting out in the only way he knew how. He eventually cosigned. We moved up there. Found jobs, started schools, and didn't need a dime from him to support our daily lives. Independence is really only surefire protection from passive aggressive parents who hold their support based on only decisions they approve of. Achieve it as soon as possible and you will be able gain some respect and peace from your parents.
 
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Goro

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You're an adult now, which means you can vote, drink, drive, smoke, work, pay taxes and fight and die for your country.

You're thus old enough to grow a spine and tell your parents that you've made your choice, and if you withdraw, that you will have ended your chances forever of being a doctor.
 
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