RANT HERE thread

Veterinary Science Graduate Programs from U. of I.
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ajs513 said:
The sadness isn’t something you should feel like you should work on, since it’s very natural and an important part of just being human. You’re allowed to be sad, and this is something obviously no one here will feel differently about being sad over. It’s awful to lose a pet, especially when you have to make the difficult decision to put them to sleep. But please don’t feel guilty or have any sort of lasting feeling of guilt. People in this field always do so much for their pets and still feel like maybe they could’ve done more. At the end of the day, there’s usually not much more we could do, and if there is, it usually only extends their life a very short amount. You made the right decision, and I can say that with total certainty. She was in pain, there wasn’t anything that could take that pain away while she was alive, and so you did the only thing you could do to make the pain go away. That’s extremely selfless of you and I hope you can see that. It’ll take time. But I really hope you don’t feel guilty about this much longer. It’s already enough to feel sad. You’re a good person. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
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Thank you. I think I'm just afraid I rushed into the decision or I should have given her another night. And some of the guilt is I had to drop her off at the animal hospital because I had a lab I had to go to during her exam, so she spent several hours of her last day in a kennel at the vet before I could be there to talk to them. And of course I can't stop thinking about the times I was lazy and forgot to give fluids or missed a pill her or there. I know it'll get better, but I'm naturally indecisive and a worrier, and she was the first pet I've had that didn't either pass on their own or wasn't a 1000% clear cut "it needs to happen right now" case. I really appreciate the kind words though, thank you.

vetmedhead said:
It's okay to take as long as you need to grieve. I just had a cardio exam today and I cried the entire time I studied the Feline HCM/Thromboembolism slides because I lost my childhood cat to a saddle thrombus during my junior year of college and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but after he died I had a recurring dream where someone handed him to me and told me that if I ever set him down, I would never see him again. So I had all these dreams where I was doing things like brushing my teeth or taking a shower or driving while holding my cat as tight as I could. I had that dream at least once a month for years after he died (and actually had it for the first time the night he died - which was maybe two or three days before my parents told me about it because he died during finals week and they wanted to wait until finals were over). I eventually had one where I told him I loved him and set him down and I haven't had the dream since then.
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Thanks for sharing your story. Every time I lose an animal I have horrible recurring nightmares. I still have them about my horse that I lost over 2 years ago where I just relive her dying over and over, and recently I've been having them about my cat as well. I've never gotten to a point with it like you describe in your dream, but that gives me hope that one day I will, so thank you. 🙂 I'm just hoping when finals end I can have some time to go home and decompress from everything and it'll start to get better. I think because I moved her to vet school with me and bought so much stuff (cat trees, puzzle feeders, beds, scratchers etc.) for my apartment to make it perfect for her it just feels extra empty without her.
 
[This is in response to the above post and it is not a rant]

A while ago, I visited the final resting place of my first cat's unmarked little grave. I wanted to tell her "I remember you and I love you" and I was so very glad she had been in my life many years ago. :cat:

After she was put down, my Dad buried her in front of a little tree that was nothing more than a small sapling, planted in some barren soil at that time. Now, it was her "forever" home.

My cat had been my friend in my youth. She had been my faithful companion when I was in college.

I loved her with all of my heart. She was always there for me; always sweet, affectionate, and unconditionally loving no matter what was happening. She was my shining beacon. When she had to be put down, my heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces. To compound my grief, I wasn't "with her" when she was put down. When she needed me the most, I was not "there" for her.

So this time, when I went to spend time with her, I first looked for the little sapling tree that marked her gravesite. Now, the sapling tree was a tall tree with graceful boughs and velvety leaves. The ground was covered with soft green grass and was no longer barren. My cat's final resting place was peaceful, calm, sunny and beautiful. It reminded me of the deep love she shared with me, and I with her. It felt good. Before I left, I placed some pretty wildflowers on her grave, knowing that she is still "with" me, in my fondest memories. And, that made me feel very happy and very grateful for all of the whisker-kisses, purrs and love that she had given me, even though my heart still ached a little bit, after so many years. She was not forgotten - and it was okay.

I know you're hurting, and grieving, and missing your little cat. It will take time, maybe a lot of time. It's okay. In your own way, you will grieve, reminisce, heal, and live on. She was lucky to have you, and you were fortunate to have her. And, just so you know, we're here for you ... and for anyone else who has ever lost a pet because of illness, injury, old age, or whatever. I care ... we all care.:cat:
 
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altadama said:
Thank you. I think I'm just afraid I rushed into the decision or I should have given her another night. And some of the guilt is I had to drop her off at the animal hospital because I had a lab I had to go to during her exam, so she spent several hours of her last day in a kennel at the vet before I could be there to talk to them. And of course I can't stop thinking about the times I was lazy and forgot to give fluids or missed a pill her or there. I know it'll get better, but I'm naturally indecisive and a worrier, and she was the first pet I've had that didn't either pass on their own or wasn't a 1000% clear cut "it needs to happen right now" case. I really appreciate the kind words though, thank you.



Thanks for sharing your story. Every time I lose an animal I have horrible recurring nightmares. I still have them about my horse that I lost over 2 years ago where I just relive her dying over and over, and recently I've been having them about my cat as well. I've never gotten to a point with it like you describe in your dream, but that gives me hope that one day I will, so thank you. 🙂 I'm just hoping when finals end I can have some time to go home and decompress from everything and it'll start to get better. I think because I moved her to vet school with me and bought so much stuff (cat trees, puzzle feeders, beds, scratchers etc.) for my apartment to make it perfect for her it just feels extra empty without her.
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I think the most important things anyone ever told me about grief were the following:
  1. take time to grieve
  2. grieve at your own pace
  3. grieve in your own way
It's amazing how far those three things have taken me in my own times of grief. There's no one way to do it, and no right way or wrong way. So long as you are giving yourself space to do it - whatever it looks like - it gets easier to handle. It's not necessarily less grief, and it doesn't necessarily get "better", but you get more comfortable with it and learn to accept it as a part of you and a token of the love and relationship that you had.

I'm sorry you're having such difficult dreams. It's clear that you love and care about her very much. I hope you feel better and don't hesitate to share with us or others when you're having a hard time with your loss.
 
Also, this poem was shared with me earlier this month and I found it really meaningful for me personally. Maybe some of you will find it similarly meaningful:

Epitaph
by Merrit Malloy

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give to them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands
By letting
Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away
 
vetmedhead said:
Also, this poem was shared with me earlier this month and I found it really meaningful for me personally. Maybe some of you will find it similarly meaningful:

Epitaph
by Merrit Malloy

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give to them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands
By letting
Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away
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Thank you for this <3
 
Please don't quote because I'll probably delete this later.

The culture in my lab is really cliquey and toxic, and while my PI is a truly wonderful mentor, the amount of stress I have over going to lab each day is enough that it's making me get sick more easily - and then be relieved that I have a day where I don't have to go in. My PI is happy with my work, and I find my project really interesting and intellectually stimulating, but it's really, really wearing on me to be constantly told by people in my lab that I never do anything (all of my project is mouse work, so generally I'm only at my bench in the lab if I'm working on my computer), that my research doesn't matter, and that I'm excluded from lab get-togethers that aren't organized by my PI. I don't really care about being best friends with my lab mates, but I wish I didn't feel like I needed to go to lab on nights and weekends to be there when no one else is. It's making me have second thoughts about doing a PhD, and that makes me super sad. Sorry for whining, I just needed to get that out.
 
Elkhart said:
Words
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Dear Elkhart,
You are not an idiot. You are depressed, and you are grieving the loss of a future you thought was pretty much guaranteed. It takes time to get over, and it’s ok to be sad and cry sometimes. We still love you and support you. :biglove:
 
Sent my kiddo to daycare yesterday for the first time. Cried multiple times during the day. Went to pick him up and he is screaming his head off and the daycare teachers in the room think its because he was hungry.

Now, for the last few weeks we've gotten him on a really good feeding schedule, 5 oz every 3 hours. We told that to the daycare, he eats at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm. (I nurse him in the morning ~6-630 am and then again after work around 530-6pm). We sent three 5 oz bottles and a "snack" bottle of 2 oz that was supposed to be like for emergency between meals if he got really hungry or upset. Well yesterday they gave him his 5 oz bottles every 2-2.5 hours so his last bottle ended up being the 2 oz one at like 330 pm so OF COURSE he was hungry when we picked him up at 5pm!

Okay so then today we sent him with two 5 oz bottles and two 4 oz bottles thinking that even if they screw up again and stick to the crap schedule at least its a little more spread out. But hopefully after talking to them they will stick to the schedule. NOPE. Today they've given him a bottle every 2 hours on the dot starting at 9am. So 9, 11, 1, and 3 and they're out of bottles now and I just know he's going to be upset when my husband picks him up.

What can I do??? Do I tell the daycare people to try to stick to his schedule better? Usually if he gets upset between bottles its because he's tired and I'm positive he's not sleeping super well at daycare (no dark space, its all in a brightly lit room). My husband yesterday was like lets just send four 5 oz bottles but hello, hi, that milk has to come from somewhere and I don't produce that much in a day pumping. Plus the more he eats pumped at daycare the less he'll nurse and then the supply will go down even more!

This might all be TMI and it's literally only been two days but I've been overly anxious about my supply and his feeding since he was a week old and not gaining weight appropriately so thank you for listening to my rant.
 
kcoughli said:
Sent my kiddo to daycare yesterday for the first time. Cried multiple times during the day. Went to pick him up and he is screaming his head off and the daycare teachers in the room think its because he was hungry.

Now, for the last few weeks we've gotten him on a really good feeding schedule, 5 oz every 3 hours. We told that to the daycare, he eats at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm. (I nurse him in the morning ~6-630 am and then again after work around 530-6pm). We sent three 5 oz bottles and a "snack" bottle of 2 oz that was supposed to be like for emergency between meals if he got really hungry or upset. Well yesterday they gave him his 5 oz bottles every 2-2.5 hours so his last bottle ended up being the 2 oz one at like 330 pm so OF COURSE he was hungry when we picked him up at 5pm!

Okay so then today we sent him with two 5 oz bottles and two 4 oz bottles thinking that even if they screw up again and stick to the crap schedule at least its a little more spread out. But hopefully after talking to them they will stick to the schedule. NOPE. Today they've given him a bottle every 2 hours on the dot starting at 9am. So 9, 11, 1, and 3 and they're out of bottles now and I just know he's going to be upset when my husband picks him up.

What can I do??? Do I tell the daycare people to try to stick to his schedule better? Usually if he gets upset between bottles its because he's tired and I'm positive he's not sleeping super well at daycare (no dark space, its all in a brightly lit room). My husband yesterday was like lets just send four 5 oz bottles but hello, hi, that milk has to come from somewhere and I don't produce that much in a day pumping. Plus the more he eats pumped at daycare the less he'll nurse and then the supply will go down even more!

This might all be TMI and it's literally only been two days but I've been overly anxious about my supply and his feeding since he was a week old and not gaining weight appropriately so thank you for listening to my rant.
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I know nothing about anything but I'm sorry this is stressful
 
I'd go with a written feeding protocol, as well as labels with the times on the bottles. I never had either of mine in daycare that little, but I feel like feedings q2 is a bit much. Perhaps they're just feeding at those times to not have to troubleshoot any fussiness that happens between feedings?
 
Uh, I would have a very long talk with them....yes, a written feeding plan, times on the bottles...all are good ideas. However, I would also stress to them that he is on a great schedule, and they should not mess it up. Sometimes, "If you can't follow his feeding schedule, then I will have to look elsewhere" will work...it depends on if day cares are competitive in your area. In the meantime, hugs, hugs and more hugs. Hang in there!
 
Me: *in the middle of taking in morning appointments*
Douchebag who walked in and has been waiting for 10 minutes for a nail trim: can you girls get it together? The service here sucks. I don’t want to listen to these Mexican ladies any longer (referring to a couple of clients speaking Spanish in the reception area)

Don’t you love racism and misogyny early in the morning lol
 
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Do not want ads. Cannot afford/do not want at this time to be a donor. Scrolling to the top of every page to x out of the anti-ad-blocker is really annoying because then I have no idea which reply I was on. SDN why you gotta be like that

/end pointless, petty rant
 
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SARdoghandler said:
Do not want ads. Cannot afford to be a donor. Scrolling to the top of every page to x out of the anti-ad-blocker is really annoying because then I have no idea which reply I was on. SDN why you gotta be like that

/end pointless, petty rant
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Along these lines, apparently there are no threads on the pre-vet forum... cool
 
SARdoghandler said:
Do not want ads. Cannot afford/do not want at this time to be a donor. Scrolling to the top of every page to x out of the anti-ad-blocker is really annoying because then I have no idea which reply I was on. SDN why you gotta be like that

/end pointless, petty rant
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3C9A5D23-76C1-4260-BB31-3C30959B8A6F.gif
 
Coopah said:
I know nothing about anything but I'm sorry this is stressful
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SkiOtter said:
I’d see if there’s a way to get them to stick to his schedule better if possible 🙁 maybe labeling the bottles with times he’s supposed to get them???? And they’d be like “O ITS STILL THREE HOURS BEFORE THIS BOTTLE”
I’m sorry KC<3
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Teepster87 said:
I'd go with a written feeding protocol, as well as labels with the times on the bottles. I never had either of mine in daycare that little, but I feel like feedings q2 is a bit much. Perhaps they're just feeding at those times to not have to troubleshoot any fussiness that happens between feedings?
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killerleaf said:
Uh, I would have a very long talk with them....yes, a written feeding plan, times on the bottles...all are good ideas. However, I would also stress to them that he is on a great schedule, and they should not mess it up. Sometimes, "If you can't follow his feeding schedule, then I will have to look elsewhere" will work...it depends on if day cares are competitive in your area. In the meantime, hugs, hugs and more hugs. Hang in there!
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Thanks all. The killer bit is that they had us fill out a sheet with timings of things like feedings and naps (he doesn't have a good nap schedule yet so that was moot) but then completely ignored it. My husband has been talking with them though and it seems like they were either passing the blame around (there's a float person who pops into rooms that are overwhelmed and just "helps out" by feeding bottles and changing diapers disregarding the baby's schedules) or claiming not to realize that 1PM is only 2 hours after 11AM not 3 hours. Anyway we started putting the times on the bottles and since then (my god it's only been a couple days) they've been keeping to the schedule. And there's no chance we'd be able to easily switch daycares, there are waiting lists at most of the ones around here and this is really the nicest one that's convenient/close by.

I'm optimistic it will all work out. At this point I'm more concerned that he hasn't been getting enough sleep there (which is apparently normal for the first week or two until they learn how to sleep in the chaos that is daycare).
 
kcoughli, do hang in there. it gets frustrating, maddening, and guilt-inducing. sometimes staying on them does get it situated. of course, that is when darling baby decides to totally switch things around. 🙂 again, lots of hugs. and patience.
 
I think it's really frustrating to be the one that generally finds and corrects errors at work and then if one gets by, it's my fault because I'm the last line and then the doctor sees it, even though it wasn't my error to begin with xP
 
imdyinscoob said:
Me: *in the middle of taking in morning appointments*
Douchebag who walked in and has been waiting for 10 minutes for a nail trim: can you girls get it together? The service here sucks. I don’t want to listen to these Mexican ladies any longer (referring to a couple of clients speaking Spanish in the reception area)

Don’t you love racism and misogyny early in the morning lol
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Update: we fired him lmao
 
imdyinscoob said:
Update: we fired him lmao
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Lmao nice. I don’t understand how people can be blatantly racist/misogynistic/etc, ESPECIALLY in public in front of the people they’re talking about, and think nothing of it. What did he expect you to say? “Oh you’re right sir, I’ll get you out of here so you don’t have to be around these Mexican ladies.” I feel like these kinds of people live every minute like life is just one big battle against everyone who isn’t them.
 
ajs513 said:
Lmao nice. I don’t understand how people can be blatantly racist/misogynistic/etc, ESPECIALLY in public in front of the people they’re talking about, and think nothing of it. What did he expect you to say? “Oh you’re right sir, I’ll get you out of here so you don’t have to be around these Mexican ladies.” I feel like these kinds of people live every minute like life is just one big battle against everyone who isn’t them.
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ESPECIALLY when like...the area I live in is like over 80% Latino. I’m sorry sir but there’s not a single place you can go to here where you won’t have to listen to us Mexicans lol
 
imdyinscoob said:
ESPECIALLY when like...the area I live in is like over 80% Latino. I’m sorry sir but there’s not a single place you can go to here where you won’t have to listen to us Mexicans lol
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Oh man I was going to suggest if you didn’t fire him to pretend you don’t speak English next time he comes in then.
 
I spoke with this dog owner a few times this week regarding constipation, which seemed to be caused by hip pain. The doctor tells her to just add some pumpkin to the food, and to try a laxative that I forget the name of. Constipation started Friday (a week ago). Today she calls and says the dog is still constipated so the doctor tells her to bring the dog in. She can’t so the roommate does. Anyway, turns out the dog wasn’t actually constipated and was incontinent this whole time. We take off the towel and diaper and poop and pee just pour out of this dog. It’s a mess. We bring her upstairs to do an enema and rads as well and all the while she’s just messing the whole place up. And I’m the one who had to clean it. Everything is the worst. It’s all clean now and I’m eating mac and cheese and lamenting the last two hours of my life. Sorry, just needed to vent.
 
Have to go get blood drawn tomorrow and am ~super unexcited~ about it. Last time I got blood drawn, they took SEVEN TUBES' worth and I sobbed the whole time and then hyperventilated in my car for 45 minutes straight, so hopefully this time goes better because I really need to study tomorrow and I can't afford to waste my morning having a breakdown.
 
@BigCats Ah man I had to get blood drawn today too. My biggest thing is I always forget to drink water so I always have bad veins to draw from. :dead: Can your doc prescribe you something for the anxiety, or would that screw up your lab results?

@Elkhart I'm sorry that happened to you! Has it ever happened before? I had something similar happen last semester and legit thought I was having a stroke. Fortunately (?) my first and only migraine. Scary stuff! Hope your migraine goes away soon (if it hasn't yet)!
 
@Elkhart, I'm sorry your brain is struggling! For relaxation advice, I like to sit in my car and just talk to the car about the sucky things that happened that day. Kinda like having a pet, except no assuring cuddles following the discussion. It makes me feel better just to say out loud what's bothering me.
 
batsenecal said:
@Elkhart, I'm sorry your brain is struggling! For relaxation advice, I like to sit in my car and just talk to the car about the sucky things that happened that day. Kinda like having a pet, except no assuring cuddles following the discussion. It makes me feel better just to say out loud what's bothering me.
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This can be really awkward for the other people sitting in your back seat that you forgot were there.
 
capri1722 said:
@BigCats Ah man I had to get blood drawn today too. My biggest thing is I always forget to drink water so I always have bad veins to draw from. :dead: Can your doc prescribe you something for the anxiety, or would that screw up your lab results?
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That probably would be a good idea for me in general, but I'm just going to have to suffer through it today. Fortunately I always chug a ton of water beforehand to make things as easy as possible, but I still tell the staff that I have terrible veins (kinda true) so that they'll give me their most experienced person. 😛 getting that done when you're dehydrated is not fun though- props to you for sticking through it!!

@Elkhart that sounds awful, I'm so sorry!! One of my best friends gets bad migraines sometimes and she will lock herself in a dark room with no noise around her to try to get through them, but I'm sure you can't exactly do that at work :/
 
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