I have to put this somewhere (besides my spouse and my commiserating colleagues and my therapist). I am not okay.
The woman who was murdered in Minneapolis could have been my doppelganger. My age, my race, mom of 3, doing what I would have done in that situation. She's dead now and her kids are without a mom and the POTUS is calling her a terrorist and people are saying she deserved it and the rage and sadness I feel about all of it is overwhelming.
My kids' Spanish immersion daycare has parent volunteers manning the parking lots at all times on look out. The staff are asking for parent volunteers to drive them to work because they feel unsafe. They are asking to keep kids home so they can reduce staffing because they feel unsafe. One of the maintenance workers there, on a valid work permit, with no criminal history, was abducted from Home Depot last night, his wife is one of the teachers.
Driving my kids home yesterday, my 4 year old son told me he was glad the strangers didn't come and steal anyone today. Cue me trying to hold it together and explain that he is safe and he will be safe at school and his parents and his teachers will keep him safe.
The world is not okay and yet I still have to drive to work everyday. Keep it positive. Treat my patients. Pretend everything is fine.