Starting the 2020 application....Such a stark contrast from last year when I was applying for the first time, knowing that yes it's going to be difficult, but overall feeling excited and confident about taking the steps to soon become a doctor. Now...I'm mostly just sad as I go through the motions again. i'm usually a pretty chill person, always the optimist, but this cycle of overwhelming rejection has drained me. I hate how cynical it's made me become. The worst part is figuring out what went wrong. Hardly any schools respond to feedback requests, and the ones that did gave half-assed cookie cutter guidelines. There is always room for improvement, and this past year I am proud to have done a lot of meaningful clinical and nonclinical work. But it's not like there were any huge gaping holes to begin with. I have a solid GPA and 90+ percentile mcat..my ECs check the boxes but are also diverse and unique, or so I thought. I feel like all the feedback I've gotten simply amounts to "sorry...better luck next time!" Alright, I'll get a new letter of rec, and yes I'll write new essays. But then what. I feel as if I've done everything right, yet nothing is turning out the way I want it to.