premed bf

[PreMedStudent55555]

I don't know about how the others here study but I'm one of those kids who needs a week before to study for the exams. I literally had barely any social life last semester and I think that was why I did so well because I was so focused. A lot of people are saying he is managing his time bad and maybe that's the case. However, I am familiar with NYU and it's not an easy school. I've heard rumors about their curves and etc so I'm just going to say to try to take @CloverBale suggestion. However, if it doesn't work out then I think you need to consider whether you can keep going with what he's offering or maybe consider a new relationship. Another suggestion actually is maybe use him as a motivation to work harder in your career maybe. Not saying you don't. However, when I'm taking a break and hear a friend is studying I immediately find something to do and there is always something to do lol. I don't know your career path but I'm sure there is maybe an internship or online course or something you can get yourself into to make yourself as busy as him!

I just wanted to say that I get where your boyfriend is coming from and I wanted to help you understand his mindset. As someone who needs a lot of time to study and do well, he has to prioritize his studying over you. Especially since he's probably getting a science degree and honestly there's not much you can do with that alone except maybe become a teacher or go into research as an assistant or tech. This upcoming year (I'm also a junior) is one of the most important years for him. He's probably preparing to take his MCAT? Or even be thinking about his application? So it's not even just his classes, which are probably hard, but he also has to worry about his MCAT and his apps. Like others have said, it's always gonna be his studying or you but maybe consider getting more into your career and using this to inspire you to work harder in your career field!

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[HomeSkool]

Phew, I'd rather not get married than have to deal with this.

You'd be trading the greater happiness for the lesser. I'd choose my wife over my career if it came to that. Fortunately, I married an exceedingly capable and patient angel of a woman, and she's never made me choose.

 

[Robin-jay]

I don't know how you guys are having such great relationships.

My relationships were absolutely horrendous through undergrad. and grad. school(in terms of work-relationship balance).

The girls I hung around were absolutely not conscientious or understanding of the work I had to do. To them, not going to a party or something was almost an end-all to the relationship.

gf: Hey, lets go out to celebrate "x".
me: I can't, I have the MCAT coming up
gf: oh, but I think it will be fun
me: I can't, sorry
....

relationship dies.

God bless you guys for finding a girl that understands, because that's not even close to my personal experience.

 

[DBC03]

You'd be trading the greater happiness for the lesser. I'd choose my wife over my career if it came to that. Fortunately, I married an exceedingly capable and patient angel of a woman, and she's never made me choose.

Marriage is amazing! My husband is my greatest earthly priority, and he makes this path so much easier and more enjoyable! And he is my greatest cheerleader and partner in crime. Dating, however, was much more difficult.


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[HomeSkool]

The girls I hung around were absolutely not conscientious or understanding of the work I had to do. To them, not going to a party or something was almost an end-all to the relationship.

Silver lining: you learned this about those girls before becoming entangled in a relationship with big-time long-term commitments. So there's that. Just keep your eyes open and wait for the right one to come along. When she does, be honest about the demands on your time, then be the kind of guy who makes the sacrifice worth it. Marry well and you'll find the extra obligations actually lighten your load.

Marriage is amazing! My husband is my greatest earthly priority, and he makes this path so much easier and more enjoyable! And he is my greatest cheerleader and partner in crime.

That's exactly how my experience has been, too. I couldn't have got where I am without my biggest fan and supporter! Plus, my kids: adorable miniature humans who look like me and sometimes kind of listen to what I say? Awesome! It's like having smart-mouthed minions to do my bidding and fetch me snacks.

Dating, however, was much more difficult.

Ain't that the truth! One word of advice: despite the demands on your time during your medical training, make the time to keep dating your husband. Medical training, and especially residency, is hard on couples, and it can lead to a gradual drifting apart if you don't maintain and nurture your relationship. "Man, I'm glad I let my career break up my marriage!" said no one, ever.

Sent from my Pixel 2 using SDN mobile

 

[bioboy23]

As someone who has had many significant others

Sup

 

[deleted862527]

The only time I don't have time for socialization is during finals week. I even sneak in hangouts every couple of midterm exam weeks.

Don't expect this relationship to last long if the max time he can give you is once per week and you want more. I personally think 1 day to hang out with someone is enough per week and he may be like this too but each person differs.

Also I recommend at such a young age you put your time into your education and your goals. You should learn from him and prioritize on education and not on relationships you can have in the future.

Absolutely well stated @Sunbodi.

 

[bioboy23]

I need a ton of attention from my S/Os

Ope, nevermind

 

[deleted862527]

The only time I don't have time for socialization is during finals week. I even sneak in hangouts every couple of midterm exam weeks.

Don't expect this relationship to last long if the max time he can give you is once per week and you want more. I personally think 1 day to hang out with someone is enough per week and he may be like this too but each person differs.

Also I recommend at such a young age you put your time into your education and your goals. You should learn from him and prioritize on education and not on relationships you can have in the future.

Absolutely well stated @Sunbodi. I sound very similar to this kid, especially last year. Last year I had absolutely no life and studied excessively, but it was mainly because I wanted 100's on everything so when the final exam came I didn't need to study. It also depends on course load. Maybe the boyfriend is taking Calculus, Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Human Physiology all at the same time or something ridiculous. Reflecting now, I should not have studied as much as I did because there is no difference between a 94 and a 100 since they are both the same letter grade but I don't regret at all putting the work into it.

 

[deleted862527]

If you spend all day studying every day for pre med coursework I think you're doing something wrong.

This could be dependent on course load as well. I was really similar to the OP's boyfriend last year, but I was studying all day everyday because I was setting unrealistic, high expectations and anything to me that was below a 100% was a failure (no, I am not kidding, lol). I was really determined, but hell, I learned my lesson considering it's rather unhealthy to study 24/7 and block everything else out

 

[bioboy23]

Maybe the boyfriend is taking Calculus, Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Human Physiology

Switch Calc for biostats and that’s what I had last semester and I had a healthy social life. And I’m one of those people who typically needs to study slightly more than my classmates. It’s 100% doable if you’re good with your time

 

[deleted862527]

Switch Calc for biostats and that’s what I had last semester and I had a healthy social life. And I’m one of those people who typically needs to study slightly more than my classmates. It’s 100% doable if you’re good with your time

Dang, that sounds like absolute hell. Did you end up 4.0 it or?

 

[On_The_Way_Up]

Lol if you dont have time for each other now whats gonna happen in med school?

 

[bioboy23]

Dang, that sounds like absolute hell. Did you end up 4.0 it or?

Unfortunately not—I got a B in physics. I’m not a math guy at all, so I ended with an 88. Not too upset about it, all things considered!

 

[Microbug]

I don't know about how the others here study but I'm one of those kids who needs a week before to study for the exams. I literally had barely any social life last semester and I think that was why I did so well because I was so focused. A lot of people are saying he is managing his time bad and maybe that's the case. However, I am familiar with NYU and it's not an easy school. I've heard rumors about their curves and etc so I'm just going to say to try to take @CloverBale suggestion. However, if it doesn't work out then I think you need to consider whether you can keep going with what he's offering or maybe consider a new relationship. Another suggestion actually is maybe use him as a motivation to work harder in your career maybe. Not saying you don't. However, when I'm taking a break and hear a friend is studying I immediately find something to do and there is always something to do lol. I don't know your career path but I'm sure there is maybe an internship or online course or something you can get yourself into to make yourself as busy as him!

I just wanted to say that I get where your boyfriend is coming from and I wanted to help you understand his mindset. As someone who needs a lot of time to study and do well, he has to prioritize his studying over you. Especially since he's probably getting a science degree and honestly there's not much you can do with that alone except maybe become a teacher or go into research as an assistant or tech. This upcoming year (I'm also a junior) is one of the most important years for him. He's probably preparing to take his MCAT? Or even be thinking about his application? So it's not even just his classes, which are probably hard, but he also has to worry about his MCAT and his apps. Like others have said, it's always gonna be his studying or you but maybe consider getting more into your career and using this to inspire you to work harder in your career field!

It’s a pretty easy school... just do the things they tell you to and most ppl party too much to care anyways

 

[deleted862527]

Unfortunately not—I got a B in physics. I’m not a math guy at all, so I ended with an 88. Not too upset about it, all things considered!

Were you stressed out a lot with that course load?

 

[bioboy23]

Were you stressed out a lot with that course load?

Honestly, I don’t procrastinate at all and I study a bit everyday except maybe Friday’s, so I never allow myself to get too stressed out. I think that’s the key. Just chip away a little everyday instead of waiting until 3 days before an exam. I also work part time and have multiple other activities I’m involved in, like most pre-meds, so procrastination isn’t much of an option. Makes it a little easier!

 

[PreMedMissteps]

I still want to know why the OP has a MDapps. https://www.mdapplicants.com/profile.php?id=639[URL='https://www.mdapplicants.com/profile.php?id=639']https://www.mdapplicants.com/profile.php?id=639[URL="https://www.mdapplicants.com/profile.php?id=639"]User #639 profile - MDApplicants.com[/URL][/URL]

 

[alexlovestesla]

I go to the “top premed program” you speak of... l spend about 10-20 hours on school every week... (including class time)

he took physics, organic chem, calculus, physiology and one other class so a it was a very packed semester

 

[alexlovestesla]

I still want to know why the OP has a MDapps. User #639 profile - MDApplicants.comUser #639 profile - MDApplicants.comUser #639 profile - MDApplicants.com

I’m physics and for a short period was thinking of switching over to premed. still lightly considering

 

[Blanky]

Lol this "Top premed program" stuff has me rolling...

 

[Microbug]

he took physics, organic chem, calculus, physiology and one other class so a it was a very packed semester

IMO he is either not smart or he’s lying to you.

 

[Robin-jay]

Lol this "Top premed program" stuff has me rolling...

lol. Had me on the floor for a solid couple minutes.

Usually posts on SDN make me cry.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

I’m physics and for a short period was thinking of switching over to premed. still lightly considering

Are you pulling our legs? Your MDapps says that you’ve already been thru an app cycle and were accepted to UC Davis

APPLIED, REJECTED
Rosalind Franklin University
SUNY Stony Brook
University of California, Los Angeles
University of California, San Diego
University of California, San Francisco
APPLICATION COMPLETE, REJECTED
Duke University
George Washington University
Harvard University
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WITHDREW
Albany Medical College
Georgetown University
University of Toledo
New York Medical College
University of California, Irvine
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WAITLISTED, WITHDREW
University of Chicago
ACCEPTED
University of California, Davis

 

[21Rush12]

That says 2002 doesnt it @PreMedMissteps? I dont know how MdApps works really

 

[alexlovestesla]

Are you pulling our legs? Your MDapps says that you’ve already been thru an app cycle and were accepted to UC Davis

APPLIED, REJECTED
Rosalind Franklin University
SUNY Stony Brook
University of California, Los Angeles
University of California, San Diego
University of California, San Francisco
APPLICATION COMPLETE, REJECTED
Duke University
George Washington University
Harvard University
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WITHDREW
Albany Medical College
Georgetown University
University of Toledo
New York Medical College
University of California, Irvine
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WAITLISTED, WITHDREW
University of Chicago
ACCEPTED
University of California, Davis

I still want to know why the OP has a MDapps. User #639 profile - MDApplicants.comUser #639 profile - MDApplicants.comUser #639 profile - MDApplicants.com

must be a mistake, I'm female anyhow.

 

[mcdocky]

Are you pulling our legs? Your MDapps says that you’ve already been thru an app cycle and were accepted to UC Davis

APPLIED, REJECTED
Rosalind Franklin University
SUNY Stony Brook
University of California, Los Angeles
University of California, San Diego
University of California, San Francisco
APPLICATION COMPLETE, REJECTED
Duke University
George Washington University
Harvard University
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WITHDREW
Albany Medical College
Georgetown University
University of Toledo
New York Medical College
University of California, Irvine
ATTENDED INTERVIEW, WAITLISTED, WITHDREW
University of Chicago
ACCEPTED
University of California, Davis

lol dude, she probably just entered a random number when registering the account. Not sure why you'd even think a 2002 MD apps is hers when she registered yesterday.

 

[caesars palace]

he took physics, organic chem, calculus, physiology and one other class so a it was a very packed semester

Sounds tough to me. Personally I can see why he needs so much time to study, especially in undergrad when everyone is figuring out their study strategies. Everyone's different, needing more time to study than some on here doesn't make him not smart.

 

[Microbug]

Sounds tough to me. Personally I can see why he needs so much time to study, especially in undergrad when everyone is figuring out their study strategies. Everyone's different, needing more time to study than some on here doesn't make him not smart.

I go to this school... it’s not even bad, you just do the things they tell you to do. With proper time management, there should be plenty of time left to do other thing. So the conclusion is either he is not smart about studying or he is lying to her.

 

[willow84]

If you spend all day studying every day for pre med coursework I think you're doing something wrong.

I agree with this.

 

[caesars palace]

I go to this school... it’s not even bad, you just do the things they tell you to do. With proper time management, there should be plenty of time left to do other thing. So the conclusion is either he is not smart about studying or he is lying to her.

Well I definitely would defer to you since I'm not at all familiar with NYU's courseload. I just remember how inefficient I was as an undergrad and commiserate that OP's boyfriend could be studying intensely with the best of intentions.

 

[Microbug]

Well I definitely would defer to you since I'm not at all familiar with NYU's courseload. I just remember how inefficient I was as an undergrad and commiserate that OP's boyfriend could be studying intensely with the best of intentions.

He’s at a party school in the middle of manhattan... How likely is it that he studies what seems like 24/7... LOL

 

[caesars palace]

He’s at a party school in the middle of manhattan... How likely is it that he studies what seems like 24/7... LOL

Just because there are party's nearby does not mean OP's boyfriend participates and is lying to her instead of studying. He could very well be inefficient at studying, I sure was as an undergrad and it does not mean he is "not smart", simply inexperienced with active learning.

 

[medstar*]

Thank you, yes of course I am willing to go anywhere he goes as his goals are very important to me, I’ve offered to study with him and he says it just distracts him for me to be there. I’m not trying to be demanding and want to support him and we can’t even promise once a week.

This may sound harsh and I don't know your situation but to me it seems like this guy may not feel about you the way you feel about him. I suggest you think deeply about why you want to follow him wherever he may go and bend on your desires for his goals? I suggest you really think about whether you are ok being in a relationship with someone who can't make time for you because it only gets worse from here on out. Many couples make it work but you both need to be people who trust each other 100% and respect each other's time. You have to be willing to make the time to see each other when you can and be understanding of the plentiful times you cannot. I really think he could do a better job of making an effort to be with you. It can be distracting, but if you truly love someone and care about their needs then you make time even if it's for a half hour during a lunch break or something to say hi.

Just so you know...I have taken some of NYU's pre-med classes and they were a joke compared to my undergrad's pre-med classes. The bio professor at NYU only gives test questions that come directly from his homework assignments so you will never not be prepared for something on the test. Ridiculously easy. Granted, everyone studies differently and maybe this person really does need so many hours to do well. Either way, to me it sounds like he is focused on pre-med as he should be but is not willing to prioritize you at all. If he can't make time to see you even once a week because he has to study so hard for NYU pre-med classes how often do you think he'll be able to see you when he's in medical school which entails much much more time-consuming studying? Then what about during residency when there will be times he has no day off in a month period and he'll have to work for 27 hrs straight every three days?

 

[Drez06]

I was working 80 hours a week contracting for my state’s Department of Health Services, while studying for the MCAT and finishing up my graduate studies, and still finding time to be a good wife/partner/dog-mom... it takes hard work, maturity, selflessness, and a healthy dose of creativity (along with very little sleep), but if it your relationship is a priority, you make time for it. End of story.

 

[QueenOfHeartz]

hi guys, my boyfriend, alex is a junior premed student at NYU- and they have one of the most competitive premed programs. it’s very vigorous. he studies for hours and hours on top of doing his work. exam weeks are hell. i barely see him once a week sometimes and it’s hard for me. (especially his exam weeks) is this normal as a premed or does he manage his time poorly? If this is how difficult being a premed is... how do doctors get married! haha. we’re in love and see a future together. i am willing to do anything to make us work as is he- i am very supportive of his school and time but it’s really difficult to hardly see him. Time management tips, maybe? Have you had a girlfriend in premed/med school? i also have been through a couple semesters as pre law and now i’m physics. so my time is devoted but not nearly as much as his so I guess I’m having trouble. (I have edited some notes people have!)

Hello. I'm currently dating an M1 student in his second "semester" of his medical school journey. We have also been doing long distance for about 6 months while in his first semester of M1. I was also dating him during the entire application/interview process and before he even decided to attend medical school. Both of my parents are in the medical field and it was widely preached to me that medical school demands the persons undivided attention sometimes for days and days on end.

While this is true, I have found that keeping yourself busy and working towards your goals as well will help the situation tremendously. I am a cardiovascular sonographer, just now getting out into the workforce which allows me to be just as busy as he. Communication, trust, independence, and understanding also plays a huge role in the success of any medically related relationship. Yes, he will be studying and will have to put you on the back-burner a few times, however if you come up with a communication/time engaging strategy, things will flow a lot easier.

So yes, you should let a few things slide because of the volume of work he has to learn. All I think about is the bigger picture. The man wants to make something of himself and is pursuing something that he is passionate about so let him. You aren't going to be able to hang out with him or talk to him as much which is a natural occurrence with someone pursuing medical or in the medical field (I've experience both).

I will say though, be strong and let him know that you want to hear from him at least once a day, thats what I did. I feel that if you are important to someone, they can take the 10 seconds out of their time to shoot you a text once a day and I felt that was do-able. We also talk on the phone at night on some occasions. Communication was something that was very much a struggle.

With me being the person I am, I can become just as busy as a medical student in the drop of a hat whether I am one or not. After the communication discussion I told him that however long that YOU don't want to hear from me is dictated when I'm texted or called back. For instance, If he doesn't text me back for two days, then we aren't talking for 4 days. Whether is mind will be wandering or not, oh well. He knew the deal from the get-go. It works though, we talk every day and text through the day as well. I try not to demand too much from him and I don't ask for a lot, so the little that I do ask for I do expect him to show me that I matter, if not he'll be shown the same lackluster effort. I say that if I'm not worth a text that takes 5 to 10 seconds to type up then the relationship in and of itself is not worth it to me.

Moral of the story: Don't be afraid to tell him what it takes to keep YOU engaged in the relationship -- but try and make those requests minimal because, after all, this is his career and his life that he's preparing for.

 

[DrRiker]

That's exactly how my experience has been, too. I couldn't have got where I am without my biggest fan and supporter! Plus, my kids: adorable miniature humans who look like me and sometimes kind of listen to what I say? Awesome! It's like having smart-mouthed minions to do my bidding and fetch me snacks.

Other than seeing a miniature sock, this is probably the most convincing argument I've ever heard in favor of having children!

 

[MedicalDoge]

Pre-med is hard, but not so hard that he can only see you once a week. Both me and my girlfriend are pre med and will matriculate into medical school in the Fall, and we had plenty of time to hang out outside of studying, even though we studied together too. We even finished our pre-med degrees in 3 years (we started going out second semester of college), and still had plenty of time for each other.

I am going to be honest but logical: He either sucks with time management/can't handle the curriculum, or he doesn't feel the same way you do. If he doesn't have time for you now, imagine medical school or.... *shudders* residency! Yeah, you need to move on in my opinion.