I don't normally make posts like this so I'm probably going to delete (please don't quote)... I wish I could say I'm having a good time with clinics but I'm not. Granted, I just came off of 6 weeks straight of large animal patient care blocks that I had to take even though I am small animal focused. Ross makes us track mixed even if we have no interest in a particular species. I was grateful for the large animal rotations for NAVLE review but it was hard to get invested in my patients and hard for me to care when they told me in my evals that my large animal knowledge was lacking. Does that make me a horrible person?
What is most concerning to me is that many mornings I woke up and just wished the day was over so I could be back in my bed. I often times just would dread going in to the hospital and questioned if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm really hoping things get better now that I'm on small animal rotations from now until graduation. I don't know what depression feels like but I'm really worried I'm heading down that road. I know I have anxiety that makes certain aspects of clinics really challenging but it seems like I have anxiety about my anxiety so it's hard to even work up the nerve to go talk to someone. I've noticed myself become really antisocial and really easy tasks seem impossible at the end of a long day. This morning was the first morning in 6 weeks that I got to sleep in and I really just wanted to take a personal day but my parents are here visiting and I'm sick so I was forced to entertain (and wake up earlier than I wanted just so they wouldn't witness me laying in bed all day) while feeling crummy.
Also...I wish someone would have told me that planning a wedding while in clinics was a horrible idea. My poor fiance...he asked if I wanted to put in an hour of wedding planning and I just started crying because it seems so overwhelming and at the end of a long day the last thing I want to think about is colors or cake or who should sit next to who. I so wish we had the money for a wedding planner because at this point he has planned more than I have lol I am so thankful for him...he is a saint for putting up with me during all of this
Thanks for reading, and sorry if I sound overly whiny. Someone please just tell me life after clinics is better.