Also I’m at bingo and there’s like 10 different ways to win and I don’t do this often and I won and realized a ball too late I won and it only counts if you call bingo when they’re calling your winning ball and I’m mad rip
The hills of Gruffendale quivered beneath a sky pulsing with neon light. It was the first night of Goatapalooza, the annual festival of bleating, bass, and unbridled hooved celebration.
Yesterday, the goats had rocked. The moment Shakira’s hit “Goats Don’t Lie” dropped, the meadow turned into a field of dancing fluff and flailing limbs. Kids spun in the air like woolly bottle rockets. Elders nodded solemnly to the beat, chewing cud with rhythmic intensity. And when the chorus hit? Chaos. Pure, joyous chaos.
By midnight, the concert melted into the infamous AfterBleat. Goats swarmed through the village square wearing stolen opera glasses, kicking tin cans, duct-taped tiaras, and, for reasons no one would ever quite understand, one goat was seen licking a fire extinguisher. They clacked over cobblestones, rifled through bins of discarded corn dogs, and used soda cans as percussion instruments. Some scaled trees. Others chewed those trees. One even attempted a graffiti mural using berry juice and its own surprisingly dexterous tongue.
But while the revelry reigned, high on the hill above, General Hoofinstein McScuttle stood watch.
Once a decorated strategist who had driven out the Honking Horde of Wild Geese during the Fowl Wars of '19, McScuttle was a legend. He'd worn a pinecone helmet. He’d built trenches out of wheelbarrows. He'd survived three winters in a shed with only a dented kazoo and a manual on Naval Combat for Ungulates. His mind was a map of maneuvers and counterattacks. He slept with one eye open — always. Except tonight.
Because tonight, something had changed.
The air smelled wrong. Like burnt acorns and molasses. The moonlight shimmered oddly. A chill rode in on the mist, curling around the General’s hooves. Down in the village, goats bleated and breakdanced under disco hay bales. But here, alone in his clifftop lookout, General McScuttle swayed.
His eyelids fluttered.
In his dreams: trampolines. Whole parks of them. Endless bouncing, no war, no feathers.
And then — a sound.
Soft. Shuffling. Hooves?
The General cracked open one eye.
A silhouette loomed in the doorway. Lanky. Fuzzy. With the smug elegance only one species dared carry near a goat festival.
"Alpaca?," he whispered.
A glint of moonlight hit a luxurious white coat. There was no time to call for backup, no time to nudge the emergency bell made of soup cans.
Both eyes opened, just for a second.
And then… closed.
When dawn broke over Gruffendale, the party was still going. Goats somersaulted through flowerbeds. Someone had built a slide out of repurposed scaffolding and pudding. But on the hill, still as stone, lay the body of General Hoofinstein McScuttle. His pupils - rectangular, fixed, and glassy - stared past the horizon.
In the muddy earth beside him: a single hoofprint.
The age of goat peace had ended.
Dead is...
@KayJayQueue, General Hoofinstein McScuttle, and a
vanilla villager
You are General Hoofinstein McScuttle. A retired military strategist who once led an uprising against a flock of geese. You sleep with one eye open and dream exclusively of trampoline parks.
To the herd of Gruffendale,
We lost one of our own last night, and I believe I can speak for both mayors when I say that we are heartbroken over the tragic loss of KJQ. Please, in times like these we must come together! We will avenge her, and chew out these wolves like the invasive weed they truly are!
Ever loyal,
MayorKG
my fellow capprys. we are absolutely devastated by the loss of one of our own “General Hoofinstein McScuttle”. let me be crystal clear, this type of behavior will not be tolerated and we will be increasing surveillance effective immediately. on the topic of additions, i have taken it upon myself to obtain a fire extinguisher as one member of our community seems particularly paranoid of the possibility of a fire.
To the herd of Gruffendale,
We lost one of our own last night, and I believe I can speak for both mayors when I say that we are heartbroken over the tragic loss of KJQ. Please, in times like these we must come together! We will avenge her, and chew out these wolves like the invasive weed they truly are!
Ever loyal,
MayorKG
To the herd of Gruffendale,
We lost one of our own last night, and I believe I can speak for both mayors when I say that we are heartbroken over the tragic loss of KJQ. Please, in times like these we must come together! We will avenge her, and chew out these wolves like the invasive weed they truly are!
Ever loyal,
MayorKG
1. Sucks that KJQ got kilt. But man that avatar for her character was badas*
2. How to train your dragon was really good. Probably the best animation to live action adaptation I’ve seen. Do not wait for the end credits scene. Not worth the wait in any way, shape, or form.
My name comes from the blood bowl community as a general term for someone who rolls dice and looks for the highroll rather than who plays the harder optimal way
Okay, I saw samac's post and checked the timestamps to see how much time had passed and I was like well dang, she didn't post that quickly lol
Also. While you're here, can you tell me who you're suspicious of as caprine criminals?
Free drinks lets you set up a PM, I'm not sure if it always ends up saying you can't use it yourself or not, but in my case it did so I gave them to ~others~
Options I haven't taken: hand sanitizer, air tag, hi my name is sticker, selfie stick, niche interest stickers
Free drinks lets you set up a PM, I'm not sure if it always ends up saying you can't use it yourself or not, but in my case it did so I gave them to ~others~
Options I haven't taken: hand sanitizer, air tag, hi my name is sticker, selfie stick, niche interest stickers
Free drinks lets you set up a PM, I'm not sure if it always ends up saying you can't use it yourself or not, but in my case it did so I gave them to ~others~
Options I haven't taken: hand sanitizer, air tag, hi my name is sticker, selfie stick, niche interest stickers
Okay, I saw samac's post and checked the timestamps to see how much time had passed and I was like well dang, she didn't post that quickly lol
Also. While you're here, can you tell me who you're suspicious of as caprine criminals?