Official Secondary proofreaders thread

[medstuddude]

post if you want someone to proofread your secondaries or vice versa

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[chickenlittle84]

I would like to exchange if anyone is interested.

 

[neurofreak]

im willing to exchange...PM me

 

[nateholman]

I need some help. I'm a little confused on how to write Columbia's Secondary; should I include this little story at the beginning? The prompt reads "What satisfactions do you expect from being a physician?" Any comments on mine would be appreciated. Thanks.

My wise old dad once explained to me that every aspect of a person’s well being, that is, our emotional side, spiritual side, social side, and physical side, is intricately related. When one has a stomach virus and feels nauseated, it becomes difficult to be cheery and sociable around others, and even a normally optimistic person might find them self more despondent than normal. Growing up, I experienced firsthand what kind of far-reaching effects a health condition can have not only physiologically but also with regards to the aforementioned aspects of wellbeing. Before I hit my teenage years, I was a cheerful, outgoing kid; I loved being around people and jumped at any opportunity to socialize. I can recall my mother taking me to a nearby nursing home when I was about five years old, and I remember quickly becoming a hit with the elderly ladies (I recall chatting with them incessantly about the fact that I wasn’t only five, but five and a half.) At about thirteen, I developed some fairly moderate acne. Almost instantaneously I went from Mr. Personality to Mr. Hermit; I became withdrawn, self-conscious, and I refused to go to parties where there would be any member of the opposite sex. I felt like this malady had taken over my life and that I was restricted from being who I wanted to be. Over time, I discovered a care regimen that kept the acne in check, and as my acne slowly improved, my disposition towards others began to recover as well. Realizing that acne is minor when compared to other conditions, I see how severely debilitating a sickness can be to every aspect of a person’s life. Having passed through acne, I also realize how much joy there is to be found in regaining health that was lost. I believe doctors have the ability to effect enormous change in people’s lives, not only physically, but all around, as all areas are intertwined. For me, the chance to contribute in such a profound way to a person’s quality of life is both exciting and motivating. No role has more capacity to do good in the health care setting than that of the physician. I have seen the gratitude that patients have for their doctors, and the bonds of friendship that can be formed through medical care, and those bonds are also something I look forward to. Additionally, I am excited to participate in life long learning, that medicine continually presents new challenges and opportunities for personal growth and improvement.

 

[chickenlittle84]

I think the personal story is a nice touch, but perhaps you over-focus on it in this story? I would make the point about having personal experience with a form of illness, and understanding its broad implications, and then move on to discussing/elaborating the question a bit more in depth. I think the way you craft the answer is largely dependent on the mission/attitude of the school...I am not sure what Columbia's mission is, but make sure it jives with what you are presenting (for example, if they seem to emphasize research a lot more than clinical practice then maybe add something of that element in also.

 

[nateholman]

Thanks for the reply. I'm not sure what else to say. I guess I'll have to stare at the computer screen for awhile until a lightbulb goes off.

 

[chickenlittle84]

yeah, i understand. I can't quite deal with Columbia's yet...

 

[nateholman]

Hey, could you read my revised version? i tried what you said: cut the story a little, added a little more response to the question. Tell me if you think the changes were positive/if I should make more.

My wise old dad once explained to me that every aspect of a person’s well being, that is, our emotional side, spiritual side, social side, and physical side, is intricately related. When one has a stomach virus and feels nauseated, it becomes difficult to be cheery and sociable around others, and even a normally optimistic person might find themself more despondent than normal. Growing up, I experienced firsthand what kind of far-reaching effects a health condition can have not only physiologically but also with regards to the aforementioned aspects of wellbeing. Before I hit my teenage years, I was a cheerful, outgoing kid; I loved being around people and jumped at any opportunity to socialize. At about thirteen, I developed some fairly moderate acne. Almost instantaneously I went from Mr. Personality to Mr. Hermit; I became withdrawn, self-conscious, and I refused to go to parties where there would be any member of the opposite sex. I felt like this malady had taken over my life and that I was restricted from being who I wanted to be. Over time, I discovered a care regimen that kept the acne in check, and as my acne slowly improved, my disposition towards others began to recover as well. Realizing that acne is minor when compared to other conditions, I see how severely debilitating a sickness can be to every aspect of a person’s life. Having passed through acne, I also realize how much joy there is to be found in regaining health that was lost. I believe doctors have the ability to effect enormous change in people’s lives, not only physically, but all around, as all areas are intertwined. For me, the chance to contribute in such a profound way to a person’s quality of life is both exciting and motivating. No role has more capacity to do good in the health care setting than that of the physician. I have seen the gratitude that patients have for their doctors and the bonds of friendship that can be formed through good medical care. Forming these bonds is something I greatly look forward to. Additionally, I am excited over the prospect of continuous challenges, opportunities for personal growth and improvement, and life long learning that medicine amply allows. I also believe that I will feel a deep sense of accomplishment from solving complex problems that the human body constantly presents.

 

[neurofreak]

bumpity bump bump!

 

[custard]

I believe doctors have the ability to effect enormous change in people’s lives, not only physically, but all around, as all areas are intertwined.

Hmmm, maybe I just don't understand this, but do you mean affect?

 

[whateva07]

this needs to BUMPED!!!

 

[BigRedPremed]

Hmmm, maybe I just don't understand this, but do you mean affect?

No, effect is used correctly.

 

[whateva07]

Anyone want to read a paragraph (4-5 sentences) for me??? PROOOF READERRRRR where r u

 

[killinsound]

Hey, could you read my revised version? i tried what you said: cut the story a little, added a little more response to the question. Tell me if you think the changes were positive/if I should make more.

My wise old dad once explained to me that every aspect of a person’s well being, that is, our emotional side, spiritual side, social side, and physical side, is intricately related. When one has a stomach virus and feels nauseated, it becomes difficult to be cheery and sociable around others, and even a normally optimistic person might find themself more despondent than normal. Growing up, I experienced firsthand what kind of far-reaching effects a health condition can have not only physiologically but also with regards to the aforementioned aspects of wellbeing. Before I hit my teenage years, I was a cheerful, outgoing kid; I loved being around people and jumped at any opportunity to socialize. At about thirteen, I developed some fairly moderate acne. Almost instantaneously I went from Mr. Personality to Mr. Hermit; I became withdrawn, self-conscious, and I refused to go to parties where there would be any member of the opposite sex. I felt like this malady had taken over my life and that I was restricted from being who I wanted to be. Over time, I discovered a care regimen that kept the acne in check, and as my acne slowly improved, my disposition towards others began to recover as well. Realizing that acne is minor when compared to other conditions, I see how severely debilitating a sickness can be to every aspect of a person’s life. Having passed through acne, I also realize how much joy there is to be found in regaining health that was lost. I believe doctors have the ability to effect enormous change in people’s lives, not only physically, but all around, as all areas are intertwined. For me, the chance to contribute in such a profound way to a person’s quality of life is both exciting and motivating. No role has more capacity to do good in the health care setting than that of the physician. I have seen the gratitude that patients have for their doctors and the bonds of friendship that can be formed through good medical care. Forming these bonds is something I greatly look forward to. Additionally, I am excited over the prospect of continuous challenges, opportunities for personal growth and improvement, and life long learning that medicine amply allows. I also believe that I will feel a deep sense of accomplishment from solving complex problems that the human body constantly presents.

i still think you are focusing too much on the story.

they ask for satisfactions and you go on a huge experience for one of them... but then you kind of disregard the "challenges" satisfaction by throwing in a sort of "Oh yeah, and also the continuous challenges would interest me too".

I don't know if you're supposed to get creative for secondaries or not, but you need to balance out the reasons.

In addition, if you should put in No role has more capacity to do good in the health care setting than that of the physician. you have to realize that the reader might not be a physician, but maybe they feel that they are helping out as much as physicians.

anyways, i think it's really well written, but could use expansion in some areas and contraction in others.

 

[whateva07]

PROOF REEEEDER where art thou. seriously only 4-5 sentences. (and yes I spelled reader wrong on purpose..ha-ha im so clever)

 

[Dr OCD]

feel free to PM me if you want me to proofread your secondary responses

 

[gujuDoc]

I think the personal story is a nice touch, but perhaps you over-focus on it in this story? I would make the point about having personal experience with a form of illness, and understanding its broad implications, and then move on to discussing/elaborating the question a bit more in depth. I think the way you craft the answer is largely dependent on the mission/attitude of the school...I am not sure what Columbia's mission is, but make sure it jives with what you are presenting (for example, if they seem to emphasize research a lot more than clinical practice then maybe add something of that element in also.

I agree with this too.

 

[gujuDoc]

BTW seeing as I have nothing to do this summer and totally bored, I am willing to help people right now with this. I consider myself a pretty decent writer and editor when it comes to these kind of things so feel free to pm me.

 

[gujuDoc]

Hey, could you read my revised version? i tried what you said: cut the story a little, added a little more response to the question. Tell me if you think the changes were positive/if I should make more.

My wise old dad once explained to me that every aspect of a person’s well being, that is, our emotional side, spiritual side, social side, and physical side, is intricately related. When one has a stomach virus and feels nauseated, it becomes difficult to be cheery and sociable around others, and even a normally optimistic person might find themself more despondent than normal. Growing up, I experienced firsthand what kind of far-reaching effects a health condition can have not only physiologically but also with regards to the aforementioned aspects of wellbeing. Before I hit my teenage years, I was a cheerful, outgoing kid; I loved being around people and jumped at any opportunity to socialize. At about thirteen, I developed some fairly moderate acne. Almost instantaneously I went from Mr. Personality to Mr. Hermit; I became withdrawn, self-conscious, and I refused to go to parties where there would be any member of the opposite sex. I felt like this malady had taken over my life and that I was restricted from being who I wanted to be. Over time, I discovered a care regimen that kept the acne in check, and as my acne slowly improved, my disposition towards others began to recover as well. Realizing that acne is minor when compared to other conditions, I see how severely debilitating a sickness can be to every aspect of a person’s life. Having passed through acne, I also realize how much joy there is to be found in regaining health that was lost. I believe doctors have the ability to effect enormous change in people’s lives, not only physically, but all around, as all areas are intertwined. For me, the chance to contribute in such a profound way to a person’s quality of life is both exciting and motivating. No role has more capacity to do good in the health care setting than that of the physician. I have seen the gratitude that patients have for their doctors and the bonds of friendship that can be formed through good medical care. Forming these bonds is something I greatly look forward to. Additionally, I am excited over the prospect of continuous challenges, opportunities for personal growth and improvement, and life long learning that medicine amply allows. I also believe that I will feel a deep sense of accomplishment from solving complex problems that the human body constantly presents.

I think you need to be more concise and succinct. You should be able to discuss what specifically about medicine attracts you to it vs. another medical field like nursing, or something like teaching.

 

[M.Furfur]

Anyone familiar with Meharry can read my mini-essay?

 

[M.Furfur]

Is anyone familiar with George Washington willing to proofread my mini essay?
Pls PM me.

Thanks

 

[nateholman]

Thanks for the replies! That helps a lot. I kind of had that gut feeling that it was too story heavy in the beginning but didn't feel like changing it. I guess I will now. It is just hard to fill a whole page or so without adding some anectdotes I guess. I will rework this. THanks again and good luck! Maybe I will post again in a couple of days with the revisions.

 

[medstuddude]

Are you guys sure that secondary essays are this important? you guys make it seem likethey arevery vital

 

[neurofreak]

they are important

 

[vmp200]

if anyone is willing to proofread my secondary for george washington u. please PM me.

Thanks
VP

 

[shevie]

Me too- if anyone is willing to proofread my GW seconday essay, PM me...thanks ...

 

[coralfangs]

how can we know that the proofreaders are legit and wont steal our ideas though?
most of the secondary questions are different the PS in a way that the answers to many 2ndary questions are not unique (ie, "why the school" question, etc"

 

[DayDune]

Pretty much finished writing all my secondaries, so if anybody needs someone to look their's over, just send 'em to me PM style.