I keep forgetting we're not all AF.
The following is an AF Adventure in TMO... not sure about other branches.
Trying to get an answer about mess dress for COT:
Called 334-953-0350... no answer
Called 334-953-0347... alternate message for 334-462-4411
Called 334-462-4411... no answer
emailed 
[email protected]...  delivery failure.
ok, moving on.
TMO:
Called 1800-531-5811 EXT. 565-2773... no answer
Tried EXT. 565-2778 because I can't tell what that last digit is...  no answer
Called local # 210-565-2773...  Paula hooked me UP with two more numbers.
Called 210-565-6284...  fax tone
Called 210-565-6285... another fax tone
Called 210-565-2773 again...  got new number for jppso in San Antonio, and learned that 
210-565-2773 has listings of every TMO contact broken down by state, then county.   I was also told to tell them I am 
not PCSing, but "entering" with "orders to extended active duty".  Repeat:  This is not a PCS.
Called 210-321-4200...  "all agents are currently busy..."  [1 minute of silence] "Thank you for calling, good bye!"  
😡
Called 210-321-4200...  informed that I need to talk with the "out-bound section"
Call forwarded...  got SSgt. Smith!  
👍
SSgt. Smith says:
I need to go to Lackland AFB's Personal Property Office (210-671-2822/2824, press 0 to skip automation).  There I will get a DPS System account, some faxes will get sent, and I can have my TMO arranged within 1-2 days.  Pick-up days must be scheduled 8+ days out.  Do not procrastinate on this.  
On behalf of y'all, I asked SSgt. Smith where a good place to start this process would be if not in this area.  SSgt. Smith says there are three jppso jurisdictions throughout the US.  If you call him at 210-321-4200 ext. 4307, he will forward you as necessary.  Me:  "You might get a few dozen calls..."  Him:  "That's fine."
If you do not live near a base, he says you can still call him and do "over the phone counseling" to set things up.  I only have to drive a few miles to Lackland, so I'll do that, but wouldn't want to drive more than an hour or two otherwise.
Called Lackland's Personal Property Office at 210-671-2822...  Bldg 5616 room 112, open until... 16:15!?  Gotta go.  Hope this helps someone avoid making a dozen non-productive phone calls.  
Just call SSgt. Smith for guidance: 210-321-4200 ext. 4307