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WhtsThFrequency said:
I want to throw my computer at the wall and scream and cry. I don't know what to do.

Through all my problems and struggles, this dog had been my constant for 13 years. Through anxiety, depression, substance abuse, recovery, relapse, recovery again.

Lymphoma. Went for the top notch UW-19 protocol, gold standard, average remission 12+ months. Thousands of dollars. Wiped out my savings. It was worth it.

Three months in. Her chemo has failed. Abruptly and unexpectedly. Still, it was worth it.

She's going to die in a few months, even with rescue protocols. She won't live to see another spring or another summer. She's going to die in winter. That terrifies me.

I literally don't know what to do guys. I'm so scared. I almost broke down in Petsmart today just buying dog food, knowing that in a few months I wouldn't be buying dog food. I don't know what to do and I'm snotting all over the keyboard like a toddler.

She's such a good dog, guys. She's such a ****ing good dog.
Click to expand...
WTF, I'm so sorry. Your post brought me to ugly tears - to be so invested in a dog, and to love them so much, and to know they love you back, and to know that you can't give them the world - it's so heartwrenching. She's going to be the most-loved dog in the world, she's going to feel so special.
Know that we're here for you.
 
I thank you guys, as this is especially hard.

Some of you may know, but I lost my father a few months ago to cancer as well, so the wound is pretty feckin fresh.

Sadly, my relationship with this dog was better than with him, but it had still been a one-two punch that has been hard to accept.

Y'all can ignore this ish, but I just want to post fun pics as I cry into my beer here.

405121_10100939139952863_1114910400_n.jpg



Showing off that ultrasound belly.
14046132_10104621417598943_452859712552006136_n.jpg


Gin and her sister.
12391425_10103968389906673_1973725567561096725_n.jpg


FUD.
14068325_10104608189353453_4398947391862084526_n.jpg


Sleepz.

13043209_10104265477570613_1164945261330762450_n.jpg
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I want to throw my computer at the wall and scream and cry. I don't know what to do.

Through all my problems and struggles, this dog had been my constant for 13 years. Through anxiety, depression, substance abuse, recovery, relapse, recovery again.

Lymphoma. Went for the top notch UW-19 protocol, gold standard, average remission 12+ months. Thousands of dollars. Wiped out my savings. It was worth it.

Three months in. Her chemo has failed. Abruptly and unexpectedly. Still, it was worth it.

She's going to die in a few months, even with rescue protocols. She won't live to see another spring or another summer. She's going to die in winter. That terrifies me.

I literally don't know what to do guys. I'm so scared. I almost broke down in Petsmart today just buying dog food, knowing that in a few months I wouldn't be buying dog food. I don't know what to do and I'm snotting all over the keyboard like a toddler.

She's such a good dog, guys. She's such a ****ing good dog.
Click to expand...
Pretty much exactly what everyone else has said and I think the cancer situations always make it that much more trying and difficult on a person, because you know what's coming and relatively when it may be coming. 13 years is a beautiful age for any dog to reach, I'm sure she's got so many memories of you loving on her.
I understand that the thought of her passing away in winter when everything is cold might be terrifying, but it's also a time of restfulness and family time, where we're all forced to become a little bit closer to each other. Each season has it's own beauty and I've always enjoyed winter because it's a resting, relaxing period where everything quiets down for a little while.
I hope you can find comfort as she reaches the end of her journey that you've shared such a special relationship.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I want to throw my computer at the wall and scream and cry. I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...

I thought I knew what it was like to love a dog. I grew up with family dogs, but now I have my own dog and it is so different. There have been a couple of times where she's eaten something, or I thought she ate something, and I was so scared she was going to need surgery - it was never anything as scary as cancer, but I was terrified for her and I have broken down sobbing over things that have turned out to be very, very minor. So I really can't imagine what it would be like 11 years from now, if Tali and I were ever in a situation like this, but I know it would be hard and it would suck and I am so sorry you're going through this. I know you must hear this a lot, but your girl has been so lucky to have you, and she could not have asked for a better person to go through this life with.
 
Pugsforlove2014 said:
Pretty much exactly what everyone else has said and I think the cancer situations always make it that much more trying and difficult on a person, because you know what's coming and relatively when it may be coming. 13 years is a beautiful age for any dog to reach, I'm sure she's got so many memories of you loving on her.
I understand that the thought of her passing away in winter when everything is cold might be terrifying, but it's also a time of restfulness and family time, where we're all forced to become a little bit closer to each other. Each season has it's own beauty and I've always enjoyed winter because it's a resting, relaxing period where everything quiets down for a little while.
I hope you can find comfort as she reaches the end of her journey that you've shared such a special relationship.
Click to expand...


I really, ****in' REALLY appreciate this pugs. This does make me feel better.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I thank you guys, as this is especially hard.

Some of you may know, but I lost my father a few months ago to cancer as well, so the wound is pretty feckin fresh.

Sadly, my relationship with this dog was better than with him, but it had still been a one-two punch that has been hard to accept.

Y'all can ignore this ish, but I just want to post fun pics as I cry into my beer here.

405121_10100939139952863_1114910400_n.jpg



Showing off that ultrasound belly.
14046132_10104621417598943_452859712552006136_n.jpg


Gin and her sister.
12391425_10103968389906673_1973725567561096725_n.jpg


FUD.
14068325_10104608189353453_4398947391862084526_n.jpg


Sleepz.

13043209_10104265477570613_1164945261330762450_n.jpg
Click to expand...

So, so sorry to hear this. She's such a pretty dog, as is her sister. My kitty had an ultrasound belly too not too long ago. She had masses in her bladder and liver, the former giving her signs similar to that of a UTI. Not definitively diagnosed as cancer, but she was almost 19, so. (feeling a bit deja vu here, I think I may have talked about her on here already, apologies if you've already read something along these lines...) I adopted her when she was 12 and I knew our time would be limited, but the bond we shared was really unlike any other. I miss her so much and think about her every day. I decided to have her put down at home (I found a wonderful, mobile, geriatric-only vet locally - well worth the extra cost) on a "good" day when she wasn't straining in the litter box, so she wouldn't have to spend her last day hurting. We laid in bed and snuggled all day, and she ate unlimited friskies salmon pate, her favorite. She quite literally saved my life. When I was 16, I was dealing with depression and a whole bunch of other stuff, and she was my only friend. She traveled up with me to college. She was really just the best kitty. She's the one in my avatar. I'm snotting on the keyboard now too 🙁

Anyway, I'm sorry, I don't mean to give you a sob story...I just want you to know that I know so, so, so much how you're feeling and I hope you know that you're doing the best you can given the circumstances and she's had the best life with you. She loves you so much and she would want you to remember her as the doggy in these photos, and all the other good memories you've shared.

I know we don't exactly know each other, and I know that it likely doesn't make a difference, but just in case it does, I am always available to talk if you need it. Our animals turn into our families and our lives...nothing can ever replace the relationship you've had with them. I sincerely hope you can take solace in the fact that you've done your best, she knows you've done your best, and that's all that matters. Wishing you the very best for the next few months and beyond, cherish all the moments you had and will continue to have together.
 
So many hugs, @WhtsThFrequency.

You did everything you could for her and she's clearly loved and I'm sure she knows. I'm so sorry her chemo didn't work how it should have.

I hope her last few months are amazing and you get to cherish all the time you have left with her.
 
Sending my love and thoughts, WTF. I can't imagine what you are feeling, with what sounds like your soul dog being sick. Just know we are all here to support you in whatever way you need <3


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile app
 
@WhtsThFrequency I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing anyone can say. Losing a 4 legged friend is one of the worst things to go thru in the world imo. They love us through it all- our breakdowns, our highs and lows, and never judge us. Their love is so pure, never with any ulterior motive or conditions. I'm convinced that my dogs are sometimes the only reason I'm still here- I too dealt with debilitating anxiety and depression years ago. I don't mean to sound morbid, only trying to express that I can appreciate your sadness.
Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need anyone to talk to. *hugs*
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I thank you guys, as this is especially hard.

Some of you may know, but I lost my father a few months ago to cancer as well, so the wound is pretty feckin fresh.

Sadly, my relationship with this dog was better than with him, but it had still been a one-two punch that has been hard to accept.

Y'all can ignore this ish, but I just want to post fun pics as I cry into my beer here.

405121_10100939139952863_1114910400_n.jpg



Showing off that ultrasound belly.
14046132_10104621417598943_452859712552006136_n.jpg


Gin and her sister.
12391425_10103968389906673_1973725567561096725_n.jpg


FUD.
14068325_10104608189353453_4398947391862084526_n.jpg


Sleepz.

13043209_10104265477570613_1164945261330762450_n.jpg
Click to expand...

Such a beautiful dog. Thank you for sharing her with us. Hugs WTF.
 
WTF, so much love your way! You've been such a wonderful doggy mama!

Go hug and love on your beautiful brindle baby! Make as many wonderful memories as you can in these last days! Even a cool day on the couch, looking out the window as a storm passes through, snuggled with blankets and sharing a cookie and cocoa (for you), it can be a memory to warm you next winter.

(I'm at work, can't bawl. So close to tears though.)
 
WTF..lots and lots of hugs and snuggles and puppy kissies...from all of here at my house
 
I miss Chloe and her stupid snorty sighs, her "need food nao" dance, her love of fluffy squeak toys and her pokey-nose bravery when a toy fell close to the vacuum or a scary cardboard box... I miss all of it, all the time.

I'm glad to have Bailey though, and glad to offer her a safe home where she can relax and be herself despite whatever she went through the last 4 years.

So... there are more goofy, loving dogs in your future. Ginny is special and you will miss her stupid much when she is gone, but another dog out there would be so so lucky to call your house home someday. When you are ready.
 
I'm so, so sorry WTF. Lymphoma just effing blows (and cancer in general) and that's about all I really have to say on that. Know that we're all here for you. <3
 
I just found out the director of the wildlife sanctuary I volunteer at died today. She was my age. I don't know what happened, but I know she's had a really rough time recently with personal problems. She was my friend. She moved to Georgia for the sole purpose of creating the sanctuary. She loved animals more than anything. And now she's gone. I feel like I'm going to vomit.
 
lhmhtd said:
I just found out the director of the wildlife sanctuary I volunteer at died today. She was my age. I don't know what happened, but I know she's had a really rough time recently with personal problems. She was my friend. She moved to Georgia for the sole purpose of creating the sanctuary. She loved animals more than anything. And now she's gone. I feel like I'm going to vomit.
Click to expand...
So, so sorry HTML. 🙁
 
She was my friend. I just hope she knew she had people that loved her.
 
@WhtsThFrequency - eff cancer. You did what you could for her as much as was in your control - you gave her the very best medicine, you gave her all of the love. We all have to pass on at some point and what better way to wind down your last days/weeks/months than surrounded with people who love the crap out of you with the smell of Thanksgiving in the oven or with the glow of Christmas lights or snuggled on the couch wrapped in blankets while it flurries outside. I know you're going to miss her like hell but what a great life you were able to give her, even in the face of one of the worst diseases out there.
 
Ugh, she committed suicide. My heart absolutely breaks that she felt so helpless. Poor thing.
 
Hubby called a bit ago. There was an electrical fire in the basement. Luckily he was inside and found it quickly. Baby was asleep and he had planned on working in the yard. (Many of our windows don't open, so getting in or out of our house in case of a fire would be tricky.)

He got it out fast and has called the landlord over. We have no water now and maybe no heat depending on whether the propane heater needs current to cycle.
 
We were able to bring in a stool sample from our own pets today for our parasit lab....found out my bun has a decent coccidia load. No symptoms other than occasional loss of appetite. I'm just mad at myself for not having a fecal done earlier.
 
I have the type of mother who can't stand when one of her children are unhappy. I guess that's an okay quality. Unfortunately, she's also really inarticulate with her words and often says insulting things when she's trying to "cheer" you up. She just never seems to understand that feeling angry, upset, sad, etc. are perfectly normal human emotions.
 
pinkpuppy9 said:
There is nothing worse than when your phone charging cable starts to die, and your phone constantly beeps/buzzes that it's charging/unplugged anytime you touch it.
Click to expand...

Mine was doing that for months, and it was oddly infuriating. It would flicker and beep even when I wasn't touching it- turned out it was the phone itself, not the charger. I bought two external battery chargers from Amazon for about $8 total (I already had an extra battery) and they have been such lifesavers. No more phone-induced rage for me.
 
My brother and SIL have been treating their 10 year old cat like crap. They have another cat which they've also had for years. They live in a small apartment and have a toddler, and my brother's 6 year old is there half time when she's not with her bio mom. The older cat has been acting up a bit, picking fights with the younger cat. Scarfing and barfing. Generally being annoying. He's obviously stressed out given his living situation has gotten crazy and crowded. And every time my brother and SIL get annoyed, they throw him out on the street for the night. Before this, he stayed indoors only. Last time I heard about it, my brother said they couldn't find the cat the next morning and were getting worried because he didn't come back. A neighbor found him and brought him back home.

That's all bad enough, but my brother was just Facetiming with my dad and said that the cat scarfed and barfed. So my brother said to my 6 year old niece, "What should we do with him?" and my niece said, "Kick him out!".

🙁

Of course, the men in my family never listen to me about animal stuff. What would I know? Clearly having a penis gives you a special level of knowledge about veterinary medicine and animal behavior that a woman who has worked with animals and is studying veterinary medicine could never even hope to have.
 
So doggo has started on a rescue chemo protocol. She seems relatively comfortable clinically, still loves food and walkies. But I can hear her slight snore-y breathing, likely because her hilar lymph nodes have enlarged again, and every time I pet her belly and can feel her big spleen I wince. There is a 50% or thereabouts response rate with the rescue protocol, and it would buy her maybe 2-3 months on average.

Maybe I'm just selfish for wanting to get her through the holidays, but she seems ok for now at least. I'm willing to go MOPP if need be to buy her that time since she was a bust with CHOP (surprising, since 80% + of dogs with B cell LSA go into full remission for an average of a year or so . We -including oncologists - were all like aw, ****, WTF dog, wat are you doing?!).

There's now way we could afford a full MOPP ($1000-$2000 per treatment so with 2 wks on 2 off, that's 2-4k a month for 6-12 months, and given that I've already wiped out my savings (~$7,000+) on her, I just can't do it anymore) - but I could at least give her one round to help her be comfy into the new year.

I mean, this dog is seriously my heart dog. Had her for 12+ years through all my ****.

For those of you who remember devyn, Roc was to devyn as Ginny is to me (and no, she was not named after Harry Potter stuff, she was named after West Virginia where Animal Control picked her up, alone in an abandoned house - theory is she was abandoned because she's a hunting breed but she is horribly afraid of gunshots.).

I know we're no different than anyone else who has lost a pet, but I feel distinctly unprepared for it. Being in path, we see a lot of death, but we are spared the actual process of death. We only see the aftermath. So I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle it

Have any of you ever done the whole at-home euthanasia thing?

I'm considering it for when her times comes. The hubs isn't really a fan and thinks it would be awkward/make bad memories for the house, but I'm trying to win him over. I would much prefer to have her pass here.
 
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WhtsThFrequency said:
So doggo has started on a rescue chemo protocol. She seems relatively comfortable clinically, still loves food and walkies. But I can hear her slight snore-y breathing, likely because her hilar lymph nodes have enlarged again, and every time I pet her belly and can feel her big spleen I wince. There is a 50% or thereabouts response rate with the rescue protocol, and it would buy her maybe 2-3 months on average.

Maybe I'm just selfish for wanting to get her through the holidays, but she seems ok for now at least. I'm willing to go MOPP if need be to buy her that time since she was a bust with CHOP (surprising, since 80% + of dogs with B cell LSA go into full remission for an average of a year or so . We -including oncologists - were all like aw, ****, WTF dog, wat are you doing?!).

There's now way we could afford a full MOPP ($1000-$2000 per treatment so with 2 wks on 2 off, that's 2-4k a month for 6-12 months, and given that I've already wiped out my savings (~$7,000+) on her, I just can't do it anymore) - but I could at least give her one round to help her be comfy into the new year.

I mean, this dog is seriously my heart dog. Had her for 12+ years through all my ****.

For those of you who remember devyn, Roc was to devyn as Ginny is to me (and no, she was not named after Harry Potter stuff, she was named after West Virginia where Animal Control picked her up, alone in an abandoned house - theory is she was abandoned because she's a hunting breed but she is horribly afraid of gunshots.).

I know we're no different than anyone else who has lost a pet, but I feel distinctly unprepared for it. Being in path, we see a lot of death, but we are spared the actual process of death. We only see the aftermath. So I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle it

Have any of you ever done the whole at-home euthanasia thing?

I'm considering it for when her times comes. The hubs isn't really a fan and thinks it would be awkward/make bad memories for the house, but I'm trying to win him over. I would much prefer to have her pass here.
Click to expand...
First, I'm truly sorry that CHOP didn't work for her, but I was told by some veterinary oncologists that it usually helps to improve quality of life, even if it doesn't always improve quantity of life.

I've not heard a single bad home euthanasia story yet. My Aunt did it relatively recently and she thought the experience was beautiful. Her dog got to lie in her favorite spot, surrounded by her favorite people, spoiled with some yummy human food before she quietly passed. There was no fear that some dogs experience just from being at the vet, she was calm and happy the entire time. The vet was also so compassionate and made a paw print and clipped some hair so they could have something physical to remind them of her.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
So doggo has started on a rescue chemo protocol. She seems relatively comfortable clinically, still loves food and walkies. But I can hear her slight snore-y breathing, likely because her hilar lymph nodes have enlarged again, and every time I pet her belly and can feel her big spleen I wince. There is a 50% or thereabouts response rate with the rescue protocol, and it would buy her maybe 2-3 months on average.

Maybe I'm just selfish for wanting to get her through the holidays, but she seems ok for now at least. I'm willing to go MOPP if need be to buy her that time since she was a bust with CHOP (surprising, since 80% + of dogs with B cell LSA go into full remission for an average of a year or so . We -including oncologists - were all like aw, ****, WTF dog, wat are you doing?!).

There's now way we could afford a full MOPP ($1000-$2000 per treatment so with 2 wks on 2 off, that's 2-4k a month for 6-12 months, and given that I've already wiped out my savings (~$7,000+) on her, I just can't do it anymore) - but I could at least give her one round to help her be comfy into the new year.

I mean, this dog is seriously my heart dog. Had her for 12+ years through all my ****.

For those of you who remember devyn, Roc was to devyn as Ginny is to me (and no, she was not named after Harry Potter stuff, she was named after West Virginia where Animal Control picked her up, alone in an abandoned house - theory is she was abandoned because she's a hunting breed but she is horribly afraid of gunshots.).

I know we're no different than anyone else who has lost a pet, but I feel distinctly unprepared for it. Being in path, we see a lot of death, but we are spared the actual process of death. We only see the aftermath. So I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle it

Have any of you ever done the whole at-home euthanasia thing?

I'm considering it for when her times comes. The hubs isn't really a fan and thinks it would be awkward/make bad memories for the house, but I'm trying to win him over. I would much prefer to have her pass here.
Click to expand...
Maybe explaining to him that euthanasia doesn't necessarily have to be some horrific memory would help. I've never done a home euthanasia, but I've known plenty of clients who develop aversions to certain exam rooms or even go as far as switching to a new practice after a euthanasia. Anecdotal, but I've noticed it seems to correlate with how much stress they thought their animal was under (or really was under) before/during the euthanasia. Home euths are significantly less stressful. They even eliminate the discomfort of crying in a doctor's office.
 
I've gone on a few house call euthanasias as the assistant, and they seem like a really comfortable way to say goodbye. There's none of the scariness or anxiety of the car ride or the hospital for the animal, and the owners feel more comfortable showing their emotions to their pet and to us when they can stay in their home. It's always been a really touching and beautiful experience, and I've never known a client to feel traumatized by it.
 
Jilary said:
First, I'm truly sorry that CHOP didn't work for her, but I was told by some veterinary oncologists that it usually helps to improve quality of life, even if it doesn't always improve quantity of life.

I've not heard a single bad home euthanasia story yet. My Aunt did it relatively recently and she thought the experience was beautiful. Her dog got to lie in her favorite spot, surrounded by her favorite people, spoiled with some yummy human food before she quietly passed. There was no fear that some dogs experience just from being at the vet, she was calm and happy the entire time. The vet was also so compassionate and made a paw print and clipped some hair so they could have something physical to remind them of her.
Click to expand...

Oh, man, it definitely did. She came in looking like crap and for 3 months she was like a puppy again - so bouncy and happy. I would do CHOP again in a second, even if she was an anomaly that didn't respond. To be fair, she is still clinically fine, but I am more aware of the timetable and would like to have everything figured out beforehand because I'm sure when then time actually comes I will be far too emotional to want to deal with the intricacies.

pinkpuppy9 said:
Maybe explaining to him that euthanasia doesn't necessarily have to be some horrific memory would help. I've never done a home euthanasia, but I've known plenty of clients who develop aversions to certain exam rooms or even go as far as switching to a new practice after a euthanasia. Anecdotal, but I've noticed it seems to correlate with how much stress they thought their animal was under (or really was under) before/during the euthanasia. Home euths are significantly less stressful. They even eliminate the discomfort of crying in a doctor's office.
Click to expand...

I think his discomfort is more over *my* discomfort. Gin has always been my dog much more so than his. I mean, he likes her well enough, but he's not particularly a dog person. I think he is more worried about how it would affect me (then again, this was the man who broke down when we had to euthanize our first bunny - he's a rabbit guy. Let me tell you, when you have a 200+lb guy with tattoos and **** bawling over a little bunbun - the only time I have ever seen him cry - you don't know wtf to do. He couldn't even deal with having the bun's ashes in the house and I had to ask a friend to scatter them for us, poor guy.)

PrincessButterCup said:
I've gone on a few house call euthanasias as the assistant, and they seem like a really comfortable way to say goodbye. There's none of the scariness or anxiety of the car ride or the hospital for the animal, and the owners feel more comfortable showing their emotions to their pet and to us when they can stay in their home. It's always been a really touching and beautiful experience, and I've never known a client to feel traumatized by it.
Click to expand...

That's what I am aiming at. I mean, she is always very good for her chemo (although she hates catheters) but I would much prefer it at home.

Like I said, just trying to get all my ducks in a row for whenever it has to happen in the next few months, based on this protocol's success rates.
 
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